I woke up with my hands balled up in fists, nails dug deep into my palms. Adam was still sleeping so I went outside to the closed up pool. Jo was there sitting on one of the lounge chairs, he barely looked up at me. I asked him if he was still mad at me for killing the Classic, still nothing. Fine let him be mad. Let him keep thinking I’m some grand fuck up.
We sat there in silence for at least a half hour before I started laughing. I told him so much for talking to him when I need help, he looked up and I showed him my hands.
—-
-*-
“What happened?” Jo asked with concern.
“Oh now we’re talking?”
“What did you do?”
“I was asleep. Nightmares or some shit.”
“Of what?”
“You think I like killing people? Even if they’re gonna kill us… I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just do what I have to.”
-*-
—-
He kinda looked surprised like he never expected me to think of anyone besides myself. We got up and walked over to his SUV where he fished out the first aid kit. We don’t waste blood on healing simple cuts & scrapes but sometimes I wished we did, antiseptic fucking burns.
0:10
12-7-11
Calorie count
Dead Classic (vampire) was in my trunk. Me and Adam drove off to some overpass and threw him in a ditch. I sat on the trunk waiting for Jo’s car to come down the road. I killed the Classic, shot him, and now everyone’s in a tizzy like we’ve never had to rush out of someplace quick.
I’m pocketing the revolver it was carrying no matter how many mom faces Tyler pulls.
We ended up North to some small town Tyler picked out. Adam wanted to drive but fuck that I couldn’t sit there idle by knowing I’m the reason that we had to leave early (despite putting the damn thing down before it could hurt anyone). Motels alright there’s some kind of civilization growing around the bathtub I’m taking refuge in in mine and Adams shared room. Avoiding sleep. Eating Donettes.
23:42
11-10-11
Live to see proper hover boards and call it a day.
I sleep in my bedroom closet when I get depressed. I don’t know why I just always have. That’s how Jo found me.
-
- * -
Jo slides open the closet door to find Mason sleeping fitfully inside, he nudges him awake. Mason jolts slightly as he wakes, Jo shushes him, “It’s ok It’s ok. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing”
“You’re sleeping in the closet…”
“I couldn’t breathe.”
“C’mon let’s go downstairs and get you some water ok?”
Downstairs in the kitchen they sat quietly across from each other.
“How often have you slept in the closet while we’ve been here?” Jo asked.
“A few times a week.”
“Why didn’t you-“
“There’s nothing to say.” Mason cut in.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me shit that’s getting to you.”
“I’m not.”
- * -
-
I want to talk to Jo I really do but the words get stuck in my throat and die. I’d probably be better off trying to put into a song. Oh man I got problems.
I’m pretty sure we’re immortal. I mean I’ve been shot in the chest three times by silver bullets (and yes it hurts like fuck - my lungs where did they go?) but drinking a jar ‘o blood put me right as rain. That’s a lot of shit to lay on a twenty something who’s supposed to feel immortal not know that they are. I used to lay in bed and get hit with that fear of death and wonder what the next step wold be. Now it’s living forever and what’s that going to be like? Watching the world continue on and on while I don’t. Can I take all that in and just be ok?
There’s no “easy” way out as far as we know:
- We don’t burn in the sun.
- Silver does shit.
- I drank holy water like it was tap.
I’m not saying I’m looking at that right now exactly but what about 200 years from now?
12:43
11-10-11
We met this cool cat Davis when we were playing in the train tunnel. He wants to write about us. I don’t think he knew what he was getting into. It’s a crazy world to bring someone into. Who honestly believes in vampires? Fuck I didn’t Especially ones like us, “Oh we don’t burn up in the sun cause we’re special.” I’m surprised he didn’t vomit when he came in on us drinking - claws, fangs, and our jaws all kinds of wonky. He’s asleep in Adam’s room right now, I’m half tempted to stand above his bed all Dracula style.
0:45
11-7-11
I should be twenty eight.
Our parents bit and ditched us five years ago and we’re still looking for them. Jo’s fucking mission he’s dragged us into. That’s not fair together we’re stronger than we are apart, but god damn do we have to continue with this pointless chase? If they wanted to be found we would’ve found them by now. Tyler and Jo staring at maps planning our new destination which invariably leads to a dead end.
Fuck them all. I want to stay put. I want a fucking house and I want god damn dog. Throw in a picket fence I don’t give a fuck just stop moving.
I can’t do it though, I love my brothers too much. As much as I want to sock each right in their damn faces I’m not leaving them. Fuckers.
We’re heading west throwing our shit in the cars. This is the part of all this endlessness that I kind of enjoy. It’s hypocritical, but the drive to wherever is the best thing. Music’s blaring and I’m lost to this stretch of road.
Tyler’s sitting with me on this go, probably wants to talk about feelings. Fuck me.
13:08
11-4-11
I have some chips here somewhere.
Ever the therapist Tyler suggested I begin writing, to understand my feelings or figuring myself out or some shit like that. I argue with Jo too much he says, I keep everything in until it explodes. I’m the middle child what does he expect? Adam’s the baby, even though he’s only two years younger, so he can get his way by pulling the youngest brother card. Jo’s the oldest so he gets to be leader (yee-fucking-haw). Tyler’s second oldest so he’s co-captain (read: second mom).
I just… I sing and I play my banjo.
21:33
11-1-11
